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08 Apr 2001
One last update for the road (Jimbo)
click to see it come out of the closet.   

I accidentally bought the world's most homosexual lighter yesterday... it's gay, it's damned gay, but unfortunately it's in the closet enough that I didn't realize that until after I became its owner.

Click here (DivX AVI, 452K) to find out wtf I'm talking about.


All your RAM are belong to Lionhead Studios (Jimbo)


would you like to touch my monkey?

By now, most of you are aware that I've retired into a temporary state of near-hermitude playing the new Lionhead Studios game Black & White.  If you don't know what Black & White is all about, it's the newest entry into the "god-game" venue - you're a deity, you're wooing villages into switching over to worshipping you instead of your opponents by any means necessary, all that good stuff - and depending on your own personal karma, you might be doing it by feeding them, building them houses, making spectacular (but basically useless) miracles... or by raining fire and brimstone down on their little wog asses until they see The Light.  (Heh heh.) 

So what's up with this "All your RAM" shit...?  Well, it's like this:

I've got 256MB of RAM on this machine, and until now, I considered that overkill - no single app (other than Adobe Photoshop when manipulating images in for-print resolutions) uses that much RAM.  So why'd I get that much?  So I could run anything I wanted, and all at the same time.

Today, that all changed... 'cause after quitting to the desktop after a long session of Black & White with some frustratingly long stall times, I decided to check my Task Manager performance monitor: and it let me know that B&W was occupying a whopping THREE HUNDRED AND FORTY MEGS at its peak usage point.

Holy shit.

Time to go get more RAM...

On a completely unrelated note, I'm going to be out of town on business all next week, so probably no updates until Saturday.  See you then!


05 Apr 2001
Legend In My Spare Time (Keith M)



When I was in high school, I started writing a book. I wasn't entirely sure what I was going to do with it, but under no circumstances was I going to university, so I had to do something. It started as fiction, and looking back it's amazing how terrible my work ethic was. I kept writing for a solid year after I got out of school, and what I came away with wasn't much. Luckily I decided to incorporate some non-fiction, running off a piece every time a thought came to me that I thought was worth expressing, and through the inclusion of the non-fiction I ended up with a respectable amount of material.

The book never came to a logical end, but slowly dried up as I became less inclined to work on it. The day I decided I was done was somehow relieving, even though I knew that what I had was in no way publishable. I still had a lot of writing under my belt, and I was sure it would come in handy someday.

Eventually I decided that it would make a good foundation for a website, something a little more substantial than "Here's a picture of me and my dog and we're doing stuff". I set it up and not a lot people read it, but I got some really amazing feedback; I'd been inside my own words for so long that I couldn't get a clear perspective on what I'd written, but at least a few people seemed genuinely inspired by my book. Lars Forsberg, the author of Kult Fiction: The Revolution mentioned that he still considers this first book his favorite of my writing, which I take as a great compliment, because we all know that Smile pretty much kicks ass.

After hosting Smile, Jimbo asked me if I'd also like to have the first book hosted. I decided that I'd rework it for his page, editing out a lot of material that didn't hold up or seemed aimless, making it a shorter but stronger work. Jimbo would host the condensed version, and if anybody was hardcore enough to want to read the uncut version afterwards they could still read it at my homepage. I also redesigned the layout of the book and added some pictures, 'cause everybody likes pictures. So if you've never read it, here it is. The name'll make more sense once you get a little ways in.

Humankind is Without Flaw and other stories


05 Apr 2001
You people rock my world (Jimbo)


3y3 h4xx0r j00!

Big, big props to Zippy, Yoru-Hikage, and the Vehement One for hooking me up on that whole Black & White issue.

It was easier to return the CD to the store than try to cope with EA's technical obfuscation department, and I went down to the mall and did so so that I could have a legal CD-key anyway, but... it feels pretty fucking good to have a problem like that, bitch aimlessly about it on your webpage, and have three separate people hooking your ass up inside of 24 hours.

On an almost completely unrelated note, I discovered yesterday that I'm #3 on Google when you just put in "Jimbo."  

"Yeah, just throw my first name into an Internet search engine - you'll find me."

That's pretty fucking sweet.


05 Apr 2001
Oh, how I love the catchphrases (Baldghoti)

I heard about this a while back on BadAssMofo, but I thought it was just a nasty rumor. It wasn't.

The Rock has been offered the role of Duke Nukem in the new Duke Nukem movie. Now, while I enjoy watching the Rock, I'm rather sick of him. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that he'll turn it down and let the only man who can REALLY play the Duke-man step forward. How long has it been since he did Army of Darkness? That was his last starring role, wasn't it?

Do it for us, Bruce. Do it for Ash. Hell, Duke Nukem was BASED on Ash's character.

I'll give you a dollar...


04 Apr 2001
I hate you, Milkman Dan (Jimbo)


serial.jpg (11238 bytes)

So I rush home, after braving hideous, hideous mall traffic in order to swoop into the local Electronics Boutique - ha ha, I have my copy of Black & White!

Eagerly, I slip the CD into the drive, and fire up the setup program - only to be stymied by the nasty little creature to the right, wanting a serial number apparently inspired by the monstrosities used for Windows 98.   Luckily, since I purchased this game with my hard-earned money, I have the serial necessary!  Ha ha, I think to myself, rummaging for my CD case, soon I will have located this white box on the lower left of my CD case, I will have fucked up three times typing it in, but then I will prevail, I will type it correctly, this will be installed, and will be flinging poo at villagers with my monkey!

3y34m50fuxx0r3d.jpg (7982 bytes)   


Or on the other hand, maybe I'll just discover I'VE BEEN FUCKED HARD WITH NO LUBRICANT.


This has not been a good week.  >_<



02 Apr 2001
The most humiliating dream ever (Jimbo)

Imagine the absolute most humiliating dream you ever fucking had in your entire life - naked at school, beaten up by bigger kids, whatever.  Just get a good, detailed, solid image of it in your mind - so real you can smell the unhappiness.  Got it?  My dream last night was worse.  WAY worse.

Anyway, the only good thing about having that dream was that it gives me a good lead-in to our video clip for the day - because waking up and remembering it was almost as bad as getting a stun-gun to the nuts. (mpg, 3.8MB)


29 Mar 2001
Peep this (Jimbo)

More fluffy little layout toys - that new icon in the formerly blank area on the upper left is also randomly generated.  Thanks to Psyci over at the www.penismightier.com messageboard for the idea of a randomly refreshed graphic - I love that shit.


28 Mar 2001
Boobalicious (Baldghoti)

Ah, breasts. How do I love thee?

I received yet another email from a nice young lady who posts regularly on our forum, who was kind enough to submit a topless photo for another of my myriad of websites, The Evil Project (stick it in the damn linkbar, Jimbo).

(Jimbo sez: see underlined text in following sentence.)

See, Nate (a cowriter for the rarely-updated Evil Project) came up with the idea to take an ugly celebrity and "beautify" them by sticking reader-submitted boobies over the ugly mug. So, I present to you... The Evil Don Knotts Project! I suppose it couldn't hurt to beg for breasts here as well, so if you'd like to contribute, just send some email to me with subject "Don Knotts boobies".

Oh, yeah. All but one pair of those boobs belong to regular posters on the Speakeasy....

If you're not a regular forumer, come meet your friendly local wannabe pornstars!


Anatomy of a Psychotic Girlfriend (Jimbo)

Let's get two things straight before I really start on this post:

1. I'm not talking about my recent ex.
2. There will be no "anatomy" pictures in this post.

If you're still reading, there's something of a cult phenomenon happening at the moment that you've probably heard something-or-other about, but maybe not actually been to yet.  It's www.psychoexgirlfriend.com.

I'd heard about this vaguely in the mainstream media, but, well... the mainstream media talking about the internet is rarely something that leads to me going to the internet and looking up the shit they talked about, if you know what I mean.

But when I saw a link over at www.iwantanewgirlfriend.com (nice site - interesting concept - but what the hell is he gonna do when he gets a new girlfriend - close the doors? change the name? what?), that specifically mentioned the fact that this guy has mp3s of 53 cell phone messages left by the psycho ex-girlfriend herself over the space of a few days, well, I made with the clicky-clicky.

I kinda regret it.

The chick?  Psycho beyond question.   Seriously psycho.  Is it staged?  I seriously fucking doubt it.   (Is the ex-boyfriend posting these cell messages an asshole?  Believe.)

So anyway, before (or during or after or instead of) your trip to psycho ex-girlfriend, wanna pull up your chairs and hear one of Unka Jimbo's famous Topical Stories?   Thought you might...

I had a girlfriend that went that psycho on me once... my first "real girlfriend", as a matter of fact.   Wouldn't stay off the phone with me for more than an hour... literally.   I was all of 15, she was fucking gorgeous, she was mad into me, I was mad into the attention.  For about a week, even though it was really irritating that I couldn't get anything - anything - done, it was totally worth it. (Hey, I was 15.)

After that, it started rapidly driving me fucking nuts.  My grandmother was particularly vindictive about the whole thing, and took great joy in both invariably telling her I was home, and bitching at me while telling me our girl - we'll call her "L" - was calling again, and I needed to tell her to quit calling so much.  (I should mention that, thank god, we went to entirely different schools, and in fact during the week lived in different cities - I lived with my grandmother and visited my dad on the weekends; L lived a few miles from my dad's house.)

Keep in mind that this was the first girl I'd managed to touch in all the naked spots, and I thought she was bloody gorgeous, and I did not want to lose out on all that.  I tried my damndest to be incredibly nice about asking her not to call quite so often.  Net effect?  Zero.  Big fat goose egg.  Continued sanity shrinkage on my part as, every single day, I would spend the entire day begging, pleading, cajoling her to hang up the phone - only to have it ring, literally, ten minutes later after she finally did.

The next week, I was starting to get pretty damn firm about the fact that this shit had to stop.  I still really didn't want to give up that whole touching-the-naked-girl thing, and really wanted us to still feel good about each other, and all that good stuff... but, well, if I had been 30 instead of 15, I'd have been losing hair.  Net effect?  Zero.

The week after that, I was getting fucking desperate.  I got the bright idea that I'd "scare her off" by acting "really creepy" - that way, although I would very regretfully lose the privilege of touching her naked, I would on the other hand get her to quit calling me... and although she'd think I was a jerk, I wouldn't actually have to be one and be mean to her!  Sweet!  So that night, when she called, as bluntly as humanly possible, out of the clear blue, I asked her "how would you feel about butt-fucking."  Keep in mind that I was 15 and she was 14 - anal sex seemed like a much bigger barrier then than it might now, and keep in mind that I was being as crude as possible about it.

Her answer?  "I think that would be really romantic... :: meaningful, "you-mean-everything-to-me" pause :: ... with the right guy."

That totally freaked me the fuck out.  I mean... good god, given the chance to work up to it, I'd have loved to have anal sex with a gorgeous redhead, are you kidding me?  But, um... right then, the only thing that was coming across was the fact that this girl just wasn't going to be dissuaded by any means whatsoever.

After that... well, I began just getting downright mean.  It still bothers me sometimes thinking about the things that I said - I just don't say hurtful things to somebody I'm in a relationship, it's not who I am - and it wasn't who I was either.  But I was only 15, and I just didn't have the life experience to know how to cope with a total headcase occupying literally every waking minute of my day outside school with a ringing phone... so I got meaner, and meaner, until it was downright brutal.  I wish it could have been different... but it wasn't.

Later that year, I moved (from Alabama) to the US Virgin Islands - partly because, of my available options (AL or USVI... hmm) it was by far the cooler, and partly - in all honesty - to get the hell out of any possible reach of this girl.  I was honestly worried that she would find out where I moved, and convince her parents to take a "dream vacation" - and show up on my doorstep.

Paranoid?  Maybe not - three years later, a casual friend of mine from the area L lived in told me that she was "going out with some greaseball named Jim, and going on and on to anybody who'll listen how she likes Jim okay, but she still only loves her Jim."


At any rate, by all means, go inflict www.psychoexgirlfriend.com on yourself - listen to a few voice mails.  You'll hate yourself for it, but if you're idle enough, you'll probably keep listening to more and more of them.  Maybe you'll finish them off - maybe you won't.  (I didn't.)  But you'll almost certainly listen to more of them than you really want to, fascinated in a disgusted sort of way, like picking at a scab when you know it's just going to be really gross and probably not all that healthy.

And the first thing you're going to want to know is what's with the message that got removed?  Honestly, I'm not sure why it had to be removed, but just so you don't lose sleep over it, here it is. (mp3, 205K)

And if you've got anything to say about ex-girlfriends in general, mine, his, or yours... I'd recommend you discuss it in The Speakeasy instead of on their messageboard - the signal/noise ratio approaches zero over there.


27 Mar 2001
Fun With Nicknames (Keith M)
   freshmaker.jpg (16839 bytes)


Prepare for some serious name-dropping:

Over on the Writingz/UglyKittens message board, Chess Piece Face gave me the nickname "Freshmaker". So the very word has a special significance on said board, and by extension, Jimbo's very own Speakeasy.

So Glitterbitch AmyGirl sent me this picture, from Johnny The Homicidal Maniac by Jhonen Vasquez (who has way too many websites about him). Behold, of limited interest to anyone outside our forum circle: Another Freshmaker Reference!


This is why I keep the Guestbook around (Jimbo)

You miss a lot of the real quality retards if you don't have a guestbook.

entry 684 :  27 March 2001 - 00:34:46
   name:  mrmally  posting from:   
homepage:    ip:
what a fuck u are i watched u eat tamarind its a date like fruit thats is tangy and when mixed with peppers is freakin wonderful that bone like appartus u bit into is a seed u corky thatcher mutherfucker

I laughed my fucking ass off when I read that outraged guestbook entry.  It's always entertaining when the diehard ethnic types wander across someone expressing astonishment at one of their favorite "food substances," though I'm not exactly sure what ethnic background (limey? generic 'net tard?) that tortured grammar would denote.  Anyway, thumbs up to you, seņor retard - j00 m4d3 my d4y!

Speaking of ethnicity, finding the ņ character in the character mapper reminded me of the minor adventure I had with an outdated telephone book yesterday - I was looking for an electrician in a 1998 copy of the yellow pages at work, and it turned out that the number listed in the biggest display ad was now for some very, very unfriendly seņora who either didn't habla much ingles, or just wasn't willing to speak it to me.

She was rattling off the (very fluent) spanish a little too fast for me to follow much of it, but I did manage to catch, among other things, the word "diablo."  I figured at first she was probably telling me "vaya con diablo", which translates literally to "walk with the devil" and roughly to "go to hell", but upon subsequent conversation with a Puerto Rican co-worker, I have come to the conclusion that I was probably actually being called a "white devil".

Ethnic people are fun.

On a completely unrelated note: by popular demand, the Speakeasy now spawns a new browser window again.


26 Mar 2001
Equality, Not Supremacy (Baldghoti)

Suck it, bitch.


25 Mar 2001

So this suit walks into my office... (Jimbo)

The business I work for employs salesmen - lots of salesmen.  The kind of salesmen, all too often, with impeccable suits and... er... less-than-impeccable knowledge of, well, much of anything.  In this era of aggressive marketing, you're probably all too familiar with the type.  Point being, a sales trainee wandered into my office the other day, wanting to "borrow my computer" and use the company internet access to check his email.

First of all, if there's one employee of a company who's the least likely to be happy about the idea of some random tool wandering up and "borrowing" his computer, it's gonna be the fucking MIS director / network administrator.  Hello?

But it gets better - being the innately helpful soul I am, I swallowed my immediate urge toward resentment and bodily injury.   Instead, I logged myself off, and logged him on with a guest account.  With a practiced eye, I noted his blank, panicked expression at the sight of the desktop, and reached by him to tap the taskbar shortcut to Internet Explorer.  Unfortunately, his expression of bewilderment only deepened... and, with an awful feeling welling up from the pit of my stomach, I suddenly realized what was coming:

"But where's AOL?"

Believe it or not, there was still room for the situation to continue going downhill.  Upon my explanation that we had a T-1 connection directly to the internet, he exclaimed in a scornful tone of voice:

"You call yourself a computer guy, and you don't even have AOL?!"

Amazingly, I still managed to restrain my natural desire to demonstrate the effectiveness of aikido wristlocks by propelling this guy bodily from my office.  Patiently, though visibly growing more exasperated, I simply explained that no, I did not have AOL - leaving it technically unspoken but painfully obvious that I did not consider this a shortcoming in any way whatsoever.   This was a mistake on my part, as he immediately demonstrated by irritatedly asking me:

"Well then, if I go get an AOL CD, can I install it?"

At that point, I threw him the fuck out and went to lunch.  (Happily enough, he flunked right the fuck out of training a few days later.)


23 Mar 2001
12:38 Short Circuit of the Brain (Keith M)

It's been awhile since I've posted to the main page, and I'm not entirely proud that this is what inspired me to do so:

There's a new ad banner making the rounds at Jimbo's World. "Pass any drug test... with the world's best urine additive!" Okay, sure, I'm down with that. Don't know if it works or not, but it's a noble cause. The name, however, is "Urine Luck". That sucks. Bad. They've got a lot of information and statistics but I didn't bother to read any of it, 'cause hell, you don't need proof! "Urine Luck"! Fuck...


22 Mar 2001
23:30 Closure (Jimbo)

A few of you have known for a while that I was effectively single.  As of tonight, it's official - my girlfriend of just-over-a-year and I are no longer a unit.  While it's certainly not pleasant, I must admit it's far less crushing a blow than it would have been if it weren't for that whole "I've had a couple of months of being "effectively" broken up in which to get used to it.

We're still friends, though, which is good - particularly given the fact that we work with one another.  I've had to deal with a really messy breakup with a co-worker before, and I do not want to ever have to go through with that again.

I guess this is the part where I insert something flippant.  Maybe some sort of "all your base" joke - god knows there are plenty that could be made about breakups, right?


On a completely unrelated note, www.dgnr8.com apparently decided to crash and burn immediately after I linked them - sigh.  Oh well, I discovered Halo64 today, and wanted to give him a link... so I guess I've got (had) a vacancy available. G'bye dgnr8, hello Halo64.


20 Mar 2001
23:02 Weird shit (Baldghoti)

I've seen some seriously cool webpages this week.

Okay, first: Forum 3000! This site is partly run and administered by humans, but the majority of the site is artificial intelligence. More information about how it works can be found here.

This site isn't really bizarre--it's just a blatant pimp. 101 Hedonistic Things A Girl Can Do, featuring Laural, our resident whore fine upstanding member of society.

Okay, now back to weird. A friend of mine is going to an N'Suck concert, and has decided she wants to try to fuck a member of the "band". So after searching Google for "'New Kids On The Block' sex", I came up with Groupie Central, a resource for people who want to fuck a rock star. The real meat and potatoes is a list of rock stars and their, erhm, "ability" in the sack. Evidently, Steven Tyler and Mick Jagger are pretty good, but Billie Joe Armstrong of Green Day and Anthony Kiedis of Red Hot Chili Peppers are hung like a peanut and boring respectively. This site has far more about the sex antics of rock stars than anyone should ever know, and that's why it's so disturbing that you can't stop reading it.

Finally--we all might win a free taco.


23:02 A Brief Moment in Historical Gaming (Jimbo)
...or "the game cover Sierra On-Line probably wishes it could forget."

For those of you less ol'skool than myself, "On-Line Systems" is what modern-day gaming giant Sierra On-Line used to call itself, until it got big enough that it attracted the attention of the real On-Line Systems - a business software company which has since faded into merciful obscurity... and "SOFTPORN ADVENTURE" was the original, all-text, painfully clumsy version of what would eventually become reincarnated as the much better-known (not to mention higher quality) Leisure Suit Larry.

note the strategically placed airbrush strokes on Roberta (far right) and the girl on the left.
enjoy this little oddity, folks - you wouldn't believe how fucking hard it was to find!

Entertainingly, the girl on the far right is none other than Roberta Williams - wife to Ken Williams, co-owner of Sierra On-Line, and author of the King's Quest series as well as lots of other cutesy little adventures.

The other two girls are random office secretaries grabbed and dunked in a hot tub at the last moment - and given how obvious the crudely airbrushed out nip-shots must have been to Ken (or whoever took the picture), I can only assume that the decision to go "PG" with the cover art was a last-minute thing as well.

Ah, the halcyon days of gaming...


19 Mar 2001
00:45 Updates to the 31337 linkbar (Jimbo)
Added:    www.smartestmanontheweb.com - I have to be completely honest: the first time I saw this site, I thought "what a retard."  But upon reading more closely, I realized... what a retard!   Seriously, I laughed my fucking ass off at this guy's stuff.  For god's sake, don't miss his "reviews" section - phrases like "the blinding pain of the colon weasel created by these hot wings" should never be underestimated.
www.dgnr8.com - exactly what it sounds like.  Entertainment of the low-brow variety, but entertainment nonetheless.
I Love Bacon - Chock-full o' standard-type E/N content... but I mean fucking full of it.  If you just want an assload of "alternative", "odd", or, well, "(often strangely) naked" media, this is the place to get it.  You just don't know how much media this guy is linking...
Removed: The Parking Lot Is Full - This used to be the most insightful, shocking, and ground-breakingly original comic on the web... about a year and a half ago.  Since then, something happened - I don't know if somebody left, somebody quit getting laid, somebody started getting laid, or what... but it's just not even faintly the same strip anymore.   Bye-bye, PLIF... I miss you.
God You're Gay - sorry guys, it's not that you suck or anything - it's just that I added three new sites, the list was getting too long, and, well... somebody had to go.  No hard feelings, okay?
Almost Removed: www.stileproject.com - I haven't been visiting the Stile Project regularly for quite some time... last time I went, I was bombarded with pop-up ads, insane numbers of misleading blind links to Jay's advertisers, and that god damned rat bastard javascript that resizes your browser window to fill your screen.  I hate that fucking code, and I resolved immediately to get Stile Project the hell off my linkbar.

Fortunately, although that was several weeks ago, I've, ah... been kinda slow to update lately, to say the least.  I went back to make sure I wouldn't be talking out of my ass before posting this update, and while it still spawns a popup and is littered with interstitial ads, at least that damn resize code is gone.

I still miss the old Stile Project, though... there's still entertainment to be had at its new incarnation, but... it certainly isn't anything I'd call "alternative" any more, no matter how many pictures of shit-eating Japs and naked midgets he digs up.  Now that he got rid of that damn resize code, it's still worth linking, but... the Stile Project is really the "bizarre pr0n site without a cover charge" project now.



18 Mar 2001
22:18 State of the world Jimbo has to live in (Jimbo)


hydrogen combustion: it's about fucking time

The Good
My good friend Dave sent me a link that really made my day a little while ago - it turns out that German auto giant BMW is the one to finally take the step I've been loudly proclaiming needed doing for more than 15 years now: they've made a (serious) program promoting hydrogen internal combustion for automotive power.

No electric crap, no bullshit hydrogen fuel cells - which generate electric current to power the same anemic damned electric motors - no, the new BMW 750hL is the real deal: a car with a genuine internal combustion engine... but one powered by hydrogen.

For those of you not up on your chemistry and mechanical engineering, here's the lowdown: electric motors just do not have the characteristics required for automotive applications.  Cars and trucks require a motor with a very broad torque range - for example, most modern cars produce a usable amount of power between approximately 1500 RPM and 5500 RPM.  Most electric motors, however, have an incredibly narrow torque range - they are only usable within a few hundred RPMs worth of range.  This is a problem in automotive applications because a car has to be able to respond with smooth power at a wide range of speeds - no matter whether you're cruising through a neighborhood at 15MPH or the interstate at 65MPH, you expect your car to go when you press on the pedal.

So we know we really need an internal combustion engine of some sort - it can be a Wankel rotary, or a turbine (Chrysler made a limited production run of diesel turbine sedan in the 60's - they only dropped the program because gas station attendants adamantly refused to put diesel fuel in passenger cars driven by housewives), or a standard piston-and-crank type motor... but dammit, it needs to use chemical fuel.  Nothing else provides the torque characteristics necessary.

But what do we burn?  Gasoline, obviously, is out.  Natural gas burns (relatively) cleanly, but it's expensive as hell and a limited resource.  You could burn alcohol - but even though it burns cleanly and can be manufactured, it's typically generated from vegetable sources... and frankly, I'd be kinda worried about the environmental impact of "growing" that much power.

Finally, we have hydrogen - you run an electric current through plain ol' tap water to get it, and release the free oxygen back into the atmosphere - and when you burn your fuel, it recombines with that same oxygen you released earlier to make steam.  Net environmental impact?  You generated some heat - unavoidable until somebody repeals the 2nd Law of Thermodynamics.  Other than that, no environmental impact whatsoever.  Perhaps just as importantly, since you make the fuel using electrical energy, you can use whatever you're currently using as your source of industrial power to make your fuel - and you can put a lot more efficient and effective environmental controls on an industrial power generation facility than you can on a car.

Now all we've got to do is lick the fusion reactor containment problem, and we'll have all of our power completely clean... and until then, dammit, will any Greenpeace freaks reading this quit bitching about fission power?  It's quite literally the least environmentally harmful power source available to current technology.  Bar none.




criminaljimbo.jpg (11608 bytes)
the face of a dangerous criminal (?)

The Bad
Cops still suck ass.  What the fuck is it with provincial-ass small town cops wanting to hassle me?

I went to drop a check off at the water company's night deposit box tonight.  The drop box is on a quiet little street in the "business" section of what the suburb I live in laughingly calls "downtown".  There are plenty of streetlights, but far enough apart - and with enough trees in between them - to still have plenty of "dark" areas.

While I was leaning against the wall and writing out my check, I noticed a K-9 cruiser come gliding "stealthily" up behind me with all its lights - headlights and running lights included - turned out.   When he got about twenty yards away, I heard his radio crackle, and heard him mutter something to his "partner" in the back seat.  This is the conversation that followed:

Hooch: GROWLbarkSNARLrarrghOWRarrr!   ::gnaws on glass on rear window of cruiser::
Turner: ::stern look:: My dog doesn't seem to like you much.
Jimbo: I don't think your dog's going to like anybody very much until you tell him to stand down.
Hooch: "I'm going to rip off your fucking nads and feed 'em to my puppies!"  (rough translation from the original German Shepherd)
Turner: What exactly are you doing, anyway?  Why don't you step into the light where I can see you.  ::shines Flashlight O' Doom in my face::
Jimbo: I'm paying my water bill.  That's the night deposit box right there. ::indicates drop box::
Hooch: I wish this fucking pig would open the door so I could bite you instead of the car, this damn glass tastes terrible!  (again, roughly translated)
Turner: ::forcefully and sardonically delivered::  Uh huh.  Well if you should need anything, I'll be real close.
Jimbo: ::ignores pig, goes back to writing check as pig & partner drive off::

You know, I realize that I'm a rather large young male in my late twenties, and that, once again, I was wearing a black leather bomber.  But for crying out loud, my hair is cut short in a strictly-business style, I'm not sporting any body jewelry, no combat boots, no torn clothes, no wallet chain... do I have to wear a fucking three-piece suit everywhere I go just to keep from getting hassled by some fucking cop with nothing better to do?

I hope part of Dubya's downsizing plan is getting some of Mr. William Jefferson Clinton's beloved cops back off the fucking streets - this shit is ridiculous.


04 Mar 2001
20:14 A word from our sponsors (Jimbo)
ebolamonkey.gif (18933 bytes)

I hate that flea-bitten little motherfucker, and I would frankly prefer AOL banners.  And we all know how I feel about AOL...


To my gracious hosts: I am well aware the terms of my "revised" contract no longer allow me any discretion whatsoever in what banners you choose to put in my rotation.  But hear this: if you don't exercise a LITTLE bit better judgment than to allow your advertisers to abuse readers' machines with unthrottled Javascript animations, I will eventually get pissed off enough to start PAYING for hosting elsewhere again.

Thank you, that is all.


03 Mar 2001
20:13 Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon (Jimbo)
limubai.gif (8302 bytes)   


when I grow up I
want to be Li Mu Bai

For the love of God, if you haven't seen this movie yet, go see it now.

This is the most incredible movie I've seen since American Beauty... it's sort of a kung fu love story, but... well, it's a lot more than that.  Words really can't describe it.  For one thing, it gives you a feel of Mandarin culture that is overwhelming - and does so without the grainy film and poor cinematography in general of the typical Asian flick.

Not only is this a better-looking - and better acted, and better choreographed, and better everything else - movie than any I've ever seen come out of Asia before, the technical quality of this movie beats the bejesus out of 99.9% of anything America's ever produced.  Simply put, you just aren't going to find your immersion in this movie damaged by any cinematographic flaws... period.

Of course, there's a lot more to a movie than cinematography... and so it is with Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon.  In some ways, the theme and plot are incredibly hackneyed - you have all the old ideals of the cheaply made flicks we grew up seeing on Kung Fu Theatre on Sunday afternoons.   But Crouching Tiger makes something incredible of itself by treating all of those old kung fu superhero plot devices, and themes, and ideals in a serious fashion... investing subtlety, elegance, and pure art into a genre that has, in the past, always been treated with ham-fisted crudity.

However, as a Taoist would say, the description of Crouching Tiger that can be put into words is not a true description.

Go.  Seriously.  Now.


19:43 The Conscious Beast annotation now available (Baldghoti)

Rather than write a normal annotation, I decided to post an extended conversation with Laural.  It details the philosophy behind TCB, the symbolism behind the names of the animals, and some details in the plot that you may have missed.

<yellowjournalism>Also, Laural gets naked!</yellowjournalism>



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